I was born and brought up in a conservative family, living in a small town of India. The adjective conservative was not required to define any family living in small towns of India. Like every other kid, I was also brought up seeing women wearing sarees and salwar comeez. Things are no more the same now. Thanks to the television set in everyone’s home; girls now realize the best way to attract a young man is to either show your skin or to show your figure with a costume that will not let the air to pass in between it and skin. During old days, Indian women had confidence on our men’s imagination; so they used to come out of their homes covering their bodies as much as possible without much caring about the heat and humidity in air. But these days girls do not have faith on our imaginations. So they now prefer the other way.
Personally I have no issue with it; I am no one to criticize what someone else is wearing; until and unless she is neither my sister nor girlfriend. I know you can guess that, but I am bit conservative but not possessive. I have no problem if my girlfriend shakes hands with my friends or give them a hug or talk with them on phone. But I just can’t take it when my girl friend appears at a public place in my country showing her skins. It’s sad but true that I do not have faith on the look and mindset of few of my own gender’s people. Few people have that hunger in their eyes for girls which I hate seeing. I know this conservative mindset of mine has something to do with that place and people living there where I was born and brought up.
Now let me tell you a funny instance which is directly or indirectly has a lot to do with Titanic’s huge success in India and it will express how conservative our society was during those days.
Since our childhood, we were not allowed to watch neither Hollywood movies nor TV shows. The reason was that, they used to have kissing and sex scenes. Although during those days we were not aware of either of these human behaviors. So it would have hardly matters to us watching two people who were enjoying playing with each other’s lips.
When I was 13, Titanic released in the theaters across India. The poster was showing a huge ship with a boy and a girl standing with this famous “titanic” pose. This pose went so viral that forget about young people even the parents and grandparents took pictures with that pose standing at either a hill station, river side or a park.
And the movie was promoted as a true story about a huge ship name “Titanic” which sank in RMS. Titanic was a British passenger liner that sank on 15 April 1912 after colliding with an iceberg during her maiden voyage from Southampton, UK to New York City, US. This disaster took almost 1502 lives.
And all the parents who never allowed us to watch any Hollywood movies bought us tickets to watch this one as they thought every kid should watch it. I doubt if they would not have misinterpreted it as an educational movie.
We went to the theater. The movie started with claps and whistles which is pretty normal in Indian theaters. We hardly understood anything other than watching that ship floating in a deep sea, big fishes swimming faster than the ship, tap dance, a beautiful lady ill treated by her future husband and his mother, a poor boy who is running behind that girl to impress her, the captain always drinking tea, an old car whose door someone forgot to lock (I am sure you people must have remember that car), the iceberg, the musician who continued playing the music till the end and many more.
So our reason behind watching Titanic was not that love story; to be honest at that time none of us were intelligent enough to understand a single word of a Hollywood movie. For us the sounds of the waves were more effective than those dialogues in the movie. Every English word with the foreign accent was sounding similar to our ears. Did not matter what they speak, we ended up hearing sush..phiss…absusis.sshueuu..fuishhhh (Do not try to read what we ended up hearing, even I could not read it now).
But in this whole movie there was a scene that shocked most parents. Yes you dirty people; you got it right that painting scene. Hmm I knew you people are not as good as you appear. The moment Leonardo held the pencil in his hand while Kate came and dropped that dress/apron (I am not sure what you people call that one) she was wearing; the attention of all the elders diverted from the big screen to their children’s eyes. It was a view no one among us have ever viewed before. We were bit confused about what was going on there. The scene ended, leaving few people who were there at the theater disappointed because they with their own permission let their kids to watch a nude lady.
I still remember, the moment the movie ended and the credits started rolling on; one of my school teachers who was sitting one row behind us scolding her daughter who was elder to me that time “let’s go home! I will talk to you there”. I doubt if things would have worst for her. Might be few slaps came her way that day.
But we ended up with something which we never experienced before. I know what you people are thinking. Dirty people, I am talking about that big ship and the view of that big ocean. But yes, like most of the young people of my generation who have grown up in conservative families living in small towns and villages of India, Kate Winslet was the first lady we saw uncovered.
Now let me tell you why Titanic became a huge success in India. It’s simply because those young people ended up watching it few times more to have a deeper Idea how that ship could sink. Honestly I am a big fan of Kate and I am not sure if it has something to do with titanic. But she was good in Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, Jude, little children and many more movies. And please do not tell my parents that I’ve watched these movies too.
But now at 27 what I realize is that, most of those parents who were not allowing their kids to watch a Hollywood movie thinking that it’s not appropriate at that age were completely wrong. As a person I do respect my culture, I follow the set of rules, I know my limitations and I am proud of being an Indian and also I’ve no problem if someday our next generation will watch a kissing scene on television; although I expect them to realize their limitations if they will ever try to implement in real life these emotions which appear on television.
Angelia Sims
October 26, 2012
I’m still a little shocked to see a nude or sex scene. ESPECIALLY if my daughter (even at 18) is watching. I grew up in conservative Oklahoma. Lol. Personally, most movies don’t even need them.
Arindam
October 26, 2012
Ha Ha! 🙂 Is it really so Angelia. I had a belief that we Indians only live with such rules and regulations. I too believe most movies do not need them. Specially movies like Titanic, which target the family audience. But might be the directors think the other way, they think the viewers need them. 🙂
Elyse
October 26, 2012
I agree that imagination is far more enticing than full nudity. But what a wonderful glimpse into a shakeup in your culture! Well done, Arindam!
I just saw your question about your stats above — I don’t know if it is our election, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Many people are putting their heads under pillows until it is over!
Arindam
October 26, 2012
Yes I just tried to portray a part of our culture with this post. I was not trying to be judgmental, while writing this one. My intention was to share it’s real interpretation with you. I am glad you like it.
And yes that twit was about your elections only, which is affecting my blog’s stat these days. I have only 10-20% reader from my own country and US bless me with more that 60% of my reader since earlier days. I hope by November 13th it would be over, so that I could reveal more about my book’s publication. If I am right then election is on 6th, am I right?
Elyse
October 26, 2012
Right, it’s on the 6th. Hopefully we will know the winners later that night.
I think everybody’s stats are down — I thought I’d just lost all my international readers writing about US politics so much!
Arindam
October 26, 2012
Do not you know the winner by now! I believe the picture is very clear after that face off between Obama and Roony. 🙂
You are not going to lose your international readers, we all realize that you are creating awareness among your readers who are going to decide the future of your country with their valuable votes. It’s responsibility of every citizen. Unfortunately none of us do it for our respective countries, but I am glad you are doing it for your country and your people.
Elyse
October 26, 2012
Thanks, Arindam!
Arindam
October 26, 2012
You are most welcome. 🙂
becwillmylife
October 26, 2012
I too prefer the imagination. In my mind, explicit scenes leave me numb. I mean really….where can your mind go from there? You’ve already seen it all. I’m a fan of old and some new movies which tell a story without hitting me in the face with sexuality. I guess I’m really old fashioned. I’m okay with that too. I loved this post.
Arindam
October 28, 2012
You have raised an important point here; “where can our mind go from here?” Yes during our childhood days, most of the Indian movies were family oriented; with no explicit scene. But trends have changed a lot since then. I believe people are now comfortable with nudity in our part of world also.
earthriderjudyberman
October 26, 2012
One of my favorite movie directors is Alfred Hitchcock. What I liked was his subtlety. He didn’t believe you had to reveal everything, that something should be left to the movie viewer’s imagination. The same is true when sex scenes, violence (and swearing) become so commonplace that few people are even shocked.
Arindam
October 28, 2012
I’ve not seen many Hollywood movies. I have started watching it since last 6-7 years. I will make sure I am going to watch this director’s movie. I believe the film makers need to have more faith on the viewer’s intelligence and imagination. But again they are showing us, what most of us enjoy watching these days. Is n’t it true!
earthriderjudyberman
October 28, 2012
Yes, even Hitchcock’s later films, like “Frenzy,” lacked the subtlety of his earlier films. I would recommend, “North by Northwest,” “Rear Window,” “Strangers on a Train,” “The Lady Vanishes,” and even “Psycho” – which really shook me the time I first saw it. He had many other fine films well. Hope you see them and like them, Arindam.
Arindam
October 28, 2012
Yes I am sure I will like these films. I have complete faith on your choice. I remember that song you recommended me. It was just beautiful. 🙂
pattisj
October 26, 2012
There was a time when censorship was strict about what could be shown in movies or on television. Sadly, those morals and values have slipped away. Between the nudity and irreverent language, I’d rather not spend money to see most movies. There are still those of us in America who hold fast to those values, but our voices can’t be heard above the clamoring of those who seek to push their own agenda. All men have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God, that is why we need a Savior.
Arindam
October 28, 2012
Patti, our censorship was also strict. But since past few years things have changed to a great deal. Double meaning dialogues in movies and TV shows are very common now. Somethings look nice when they remain covered. It hurts that things are no more the same what it used to be during our young days. Actually the whole world need a savior.
meganchapple
October 26, 2012
I was 7 when Titanic came out and I really wanted to watch it, mainly because I was fascinated with history. My mum agreed to let me watch it if I watched it with her. It was rated a 12 in the UK. I loved the film. I didn’t understand the sex scene so it didn’t bother me and nudity doesn’t bother me either.
Arindam
October 28, 2012
Same here Megan. I too wanted to watch it as it was based on a sad chapter of history. And it was a beautiful film. Although that time my intelligence was falling short to help me understand that beautiful love story. But once I started communicating in English I again watched it and realized there was more in it, than just history.
were you really 7 by then? It means you are 5-6 years younger than me. You made me realize I am really old now. 🙂 Thanks Megan for taking your time to read this post and share your thought on the same.
rangewriter
October 26, 2012
This is a culturally fascinating post, Arindam. America is such a funny place. We have a split personality regarding love and sex. First of all, we tend to lump those two things together, when in fact they are two different things. Secondly, for years we have used sex to sell….to sell beverages, clothes, cars, food, vacations…everything. Sex sells! But then we have this right wing component that expects young people (and adults) to abstain from sex until they are married. And of course, we aren’t supposed to marry until we’re finished with school which means 18 at the bare minimum. But human bodies mature earlier and earlier, sometimes as early as pre-teen. That leaves 8 – 10 years of kids having to cope with natural urges that they don’t even intellectually understand, while being bombarded with erotica on every street corner. It’s really nutty.
I love how you describe the Indian audience, carried away on by the camera but lost in the schmear of absolutely mystifying dialogue! I love watching Indian movies, but I don’t think I’d enjoy them very much without subtitles!
And I agree with your thoughts about skin tight clothing. I’m not so concerned with appropriateness as I am with the simple visual assault. Too many women and girls are wearing “stylishly” skin tight clothes with no regard to blobs of good old American FAT that they are advertising to the rest of the world. It’s gross. (Also difficult to find stylish but flattering clothing these days.)
renxkyoko
October 27, 2012
When I was a kid, I watched Pretty Woman with my mother at home. I mean, first time on dvd. We had a VHS of that movie, though. She did a lot of fast forwarding and at that time , I couldn’t understand why…. maybe i was too innocent, ha ha ha.
Arindam
October 28, 2012
Ha Ha ! 🙂 Lol Ren we do not have a dvd in our home during my childhood days, so no fast forwarding for me. 🙂 But yes, now when I watch movie on DVD with my nephews and nieces I make sure there is no intimate scenes in it. because these days kids become matured at such a young days that, they would laugh at me if I ever try to forward something which I feel not appropriate for their age. 🙂
renée a. schuls-jacobson
October 27, 2012
Watching a nude scene with my parents is STILL really uncomfortable. And I’m almost 45!
That said, I do think it is fascinating that people were most offended by what I think is one of the most intimate scenes in the movie: the scene were Leonardo draws Kate. She is letting herself be vulnerable to him in a way that is very beautiful — and yet they are not touching at all. It is truly a very erotic scene.
Perhaps people were just shocked because they didn’t know that scene would be in there. THAT would be a shocker in a culture where modesty is held in very high regard. I’m surprised people in the Indian movie industry didn’t give provide kind of a warning. Or something.
One of the most wonderful things about your blog is that each time I come here, i learn something new. Thank you for sharing this insight into your culture, both the traditional and the contemporary.
Arindam
October 30, 2012
Renee, just like at 27 I am not comfortable watching a nude scene with my parents and I believe at 45 nothing much will change. I will still be uncomfortable with that one.
I too find that scene of Titanic is one of the most beautiful scenes. But what I believe, with what kind of mindset people are watching it! Unfortunately, in our society more than the emotions attached to it, our people go by what is visible in front of them in that giant screen. I do not feel bad about watching it, because I see it as a scene where kate surrenders herself to Leonardo completely. It shows the belief and level of trust among two young people who does not even share a so called relationship. But unfortunately, not many people want to use their mind much, when their eyes are seeing something erotic.
And you got it completely right, people in my part got socked because they did not know it would be there. For a large group of people it was their first real encounter with a Hollywood movie. And in India more than the actor or director, it was that ship which attracted all the people and brought them to the theater with their families.
I am glad you enjoyed reading this one. And it’s always my pleasure to see you in my blog and to get such thoughtful comment like this. So thank you for stopping by and sharing your thought.
souldipper
October 27, 2012
Thank you for writing so clearly about your culture, Arindam. I believe that men in my part of the world do still really appreciate the sensuality of suggestion. I suspect they would appreciate seeing a beautiful smile more than the anatomy thrust crudely in their view.
Oh the unclad women get attention, but that’s fleeting and unfulfilling. I have discussions with women about the expectations of females who want to display so much that imagination isn’t needed. What do they want? Comments? Admiration? Respect is so much more rewarding. It lasts forever in our hearts and memories.
Because of changing values, the media and confusion over what is true beauty, young women don horrendously revealing outfits. They are so young, so naive and so unseasoned that they have no idea what effect they have on men. They are dressing to be accepted by the other girls so they can be in the popular group. Meanwhile the boys, even more immature, become hormonal ninnies.
I’ve always been so attracted by the beauty of Indian people. I’m not just staying that to make you feel good, Arindam! The gorgeous skin, dark shiny hair, almond eyes and grace…accentuated by your clothes – sometimes white and other times such great colours.
I am still grinning about the waves!
Arindam
October 30, 2012
Amy Aunty, honestly a beautiful smile or an innocent eyes has more effect on my heart than something else. I am glad you enjoyed seeing this glimpse of our society. And as you have said, we also occasionally discuss when we see a girl with revealing clothes. That what she wants in reply to her appearance. I believe most of them want attention and when that attention converts in to comments then it hurts them. While saying so I am not trying to be judgmental. I am no one to judge someone else. What I know is that, in this world most of the men are humans not saints or gods; so the men in them sometimes react in an unaccepted and unexpected way. And then things become worst.
I am really happy hearing that, you are attracted to beauty of our people. And let me tell you honestly, I am too attracted towards your people. Their eyes color attracts me the most. 🙂
souldipper
October 30, 2012
I wonder if that’s why I noticed that Indian men would stare at my eyes. I have sort of green-grey eyes – depending upon the colour I’m wearing. My mother called them “hazel” but I have no brown tones so I don’t use that description. Hmmmm…that’s interesting!
Arindam
October 30, 2012
Now see, I reveal a secret of Indian men to you! 🙂
soumyav
October 27, 2012
nicely written post Arindam! for me I was too matured and well married off then,so watching it wth husband didnt made me think of the other repercussions.but I had thought then mght be it had released wth A certificate in India… But now if something like that i come across I have to be very cautious for my kids/
Arindam
October 28, 2012
Ha ha! 🙂 Yes being a parent you can realize it better than me, that why do parents make sure their kids watch the censored version of everything. 🙂
soumyav
October 28, 2012
Hmm true! but we do know nowadays kids aren’t that dumb enough as we were in our childhood. age has changed and so has time,
so the level of exposure to certain things too has..
Arindam
October 28, 2012
Absolutely true. That’s why I think I will make sure my son will be comfortable watching titanic with me. It’s no more a big deal; as we used to take it during our young days. 🙂
soumyav
October 28, 2012
Gr8 expectations and Gr8 dad you will be 😉
Life With The Top Down
October 27, 2012
Great post Arindam! Your parents did you a huge favor not exposing you to movies and television shows from the US, that would certainly have been a disaster. There is something about leaving things to our imaginations that is much more powerful that letting it all hangout.Just so you know, I did try to make those sounds out loud …. it didn’t work.
Arindam
October 28, 2012
Hmm! Now I see why my parents think they have done a decent job while growing me. 🙂 Yes may be that’s why I have respect for my culture and I do not find it difficult to follow the set of rule a culture brings to a person.
And you just do not worry if it would work or not, you keep on sounding loud. One day people are going to realize it by their own. 🙂
sash
October 29, 2012
Yes – leaving things to our imaginations that is much more powerful that letting it all hangout. I prefer it for a while and longer. 🙂
LuAnn
October 27, 2012
Wonderful post Arindam. I too, like many of your other commenters, believe imagination and subtlety work best in movies. I so enjoy reading about your culture through your writings and hope one day to visit India. Have a lovely weekend. 🙂
Arindam
October 28, 2012
I wish you get a chance to visit India soon. I try to share glimpse of my country through my posts. I am glad you enjoy reading them. Have a great weekend! 🙂
Lakshmi Pramod
October 28, 2012
Well written..!!! I was reading my own story it seems :)…
Arindam
October 28, 2012
Ha Ha! 🙂 Thank you.
The Rambling Philosopher
October 28, 2012
I grew up in a conservative family and community too and until now, I try to avoid watching any movie or TV series with nudity in them when my parents are with me because it’s rather awkward. However, that doesn’t stop me from watching American movies and TV series, just not in front of my family. I don’t really have anything against it because that’s part of the American culture, the same way we have our own. If we want to watch it, we have to adapt and adjust to what we’re going to see.
As for women showing more skin now or emphasizing their figure, I’ve seen a lot of them nowadays here in my country. Like I said, I grew up in a conservative community and when I left for college, things were different there. Women are more liberated and again, it’s their choice. However, wearing clothes that show too much skin is a responsibility as well because you never know how another person especially of the opposite sex would react to it. However, times are definitely changing so fast it’s hard to keep up with it somehow especially if you’re torn between the change and how it was before then. I don’t mind wearing clothes that reveal some skin but not too much because by then, I’d feel really uncomfortable. 😀
Arindam
October 30, 2012
You too fall in to the same category of people like me, who grow up in a conservative community. 🙂 Yes these days we all do the same, we make sure we are going to watch most of the Hollywood movies. But during those old days we do not have the luxury of privacy to watch something on television sitting alone. And at this age also, I feel awkward watching something with nudity in it when i am with my parents or elders.
And you very rightly mentioned, time is changing so fast that, we all find it difficult to balance our present behavior with the past. I am really happy hearing that, you do feel uncomfortable wearing something which few men like me are uncomfortable seeing. 🙂 Thanks a lot for such a wonderful comment.
aleafinspringtime
October 28, 2012
I too grew up in a conservative culture where nudity and any signs of bedroom scenes were diligently censored from tv series and at the movies until today. It is I feel a complex matter.
I think we are presented with a false choice of either dogmatic conservatism or hedonistic individualism. Both are extremes we must avoid and at the moment India is presented with this choice that Europe had in the last century which decided to go with the latter choice. We are now paying the price for that choice too.
Do we allow the current culture or even Hollywood to educate our children on matters of sexuality and physical expressions? Or do we suppress and repress this topic as taboo resulting in ignorance and curiosity? Again, these are very real issues either in conservative India or liberal Europe.
I personally believe in chastity but it cannot be something that is a blind imitation or forced upon by culture and society. It has to come from within. From a personal choice to reflect human dignity. And that the dignity of a human being lies in personal responsibility (from movie makers to parenting our children). With so much freedom comes responsibility. The responsibility to educate, the responsibility to realise the human potential beyond physical needs and desires and yet to acknowledge the beauty of intimacy in a set-up of commitment beyond instant gratification.
As always Arindam, another great post on social and cultural world views. Thank you so much. Sharon
sash
October 29, 2012
A few nods of yes to many points on this comment Sharon. Thanks.
dreamtheimmpossible
October 28, 2012
Hey there : heres somethign for you – you are tagged:
https://dreamtheimmpossible.wordpress.com/2012/10/28/happy-tagging/
Arindam
October 29, 2012
Thank you. 🙂 But honestly I am not good at this tag stuff. Still I will give it a try some day.
Northern Narratives
October 29, 2012
Very interesting post. I am a “liberal” person and I do not enjoy nudity in the films. I see no reason for it in the films 🙂
Arindam
October 29, 2012
I do agree with you. But honestly, I feel a large group of people all over the world these days enjoying it. That’s why nudity is spreading across the world. 🙂
writingfeemail
October 29, 2012
Arindam, I had no idea about this. In Europe, full nudity is often shown in random commercials. I thought we were still a little ‘buttoned up’ in America. I think there is a place for nudity, but in general, we’ve gotten to the place of just using sex to sell everything. Yet, even most American men will tell you that a woman who is slightly covered is more appealing than one who is nude. Hang on to your culture. The scene in Titanic didn’t bother me. But some of the clothes our youths wear, are attrocious. Tasteful never goes out of style.
Arindam
October 30, 2012
Yes Renee. That was my point. There is a place for nudity. But we need to make sure it appear at proper place and it will not make us feel awkward about it. We have grown up in such a family atmosphere that we do not feel comfortable when a nudity is visible in our television sets. And yes as you say, tasteful never goes out of style. 🙂
sash
October 29, 2012
Agree till the Titanic entered your post. After that, I started thinking about it seriously. Will comment on it later again. 🙂
Arindam
October 29, 2012
It means after Titanic entered my post, you started to disagree with me. 🙂 It was just my thought, and honestly I know many people may not agree with me. Will wait for your comment.
dearrosie
October 29, 2012
I think this is one of your best posts Arindam. Congratulations. You skillfully took us with you to that dark Indian theater so we could see the Titanic through the eyes of a young Indian boy. Brilliant writing.
Arindam
October 29, 2012
A big thank you for all these kind words! Honestly, I was waiting for such a comment from you. I am glad that at last I could impress you with my writing. But most importantly I feel happy because, It’s just a small part of my book which I am going to publish soon, where I will share some honest thoughts of a young Indian and few funny and heart breaking trends of our country. I have tried with my book to help people living in other part of the world to experience few things which an Indian experience in his daily life. 🙂 Thanks a lot for the vote of confidence Rosie Auntie!
belasbrightideas
October 31, 2012
I love this post, which gives me a bird’s eye view into a culture I know little about from the inside-out.
I love Kate too 😉
As for skin, I cannot speak for Indian women, but I ‘ve always dressed for comfort and for myself. In America, it’s said by many that girls dress more for other girls than for men. I wonder if that’s true. And it’s not meant to suggest that these women are sexually attracted to other women, though some might be. I think it’s more that women appreciate other women’s fashion sense.
I also know what you are saying as a man, knowing what your own sensations are and those of other men. But I’ve had a fair amount of life experience and have counseled both men and women for years. So I wonder if most women realize this fundamental difference between the way men and women think, or if it’s just a fashion statement as I described, above. I also empathize with these women because of the heat! I would absolutely wilt in a sari, beautiful as these garments are.
island traveler
November 1, 2012
Bro, thanks for sharing a very honest post. I watched this movie and I thought it was a good one as well. I do remember the painting scene and if my parents were there, I bet we will all be uneasy. Have a great week.
Arindam
November 1, 2012
Yes, I too love this movie, Bro. I’ve seen it many times. 🙂 But yes as you have said, I do feel awkward while watching that scene with family. Have a great week, too!!
Priya Dubey Sah
November 6, 2012
I like you more and more, Arindam. You’re a gem.
Arindam
November 6, 2012
Thank you, Priya. I hope you realize how much I respect you as a person and as a writer. I will not give it a second thought while saying that, “You are my most favorite blogger (Although I feel you are more of a writer than a blogger) from my own country.” So complement from you means a lot to me and I really mean it. 🙂