Two people meet at a random place at a random time and fall in love. Life changes in a better way for both of them. Both these people inspire each other, help each other in filling that void in their respective lives. That love and respect which they hold for each other shine through their eyes.
The time starts flying making the journey beautiful for both. They enjoy the journey without giving much of contemplation about the destination. Both of them hardly sense necessity of other’s attention. The responsibility a relationship brings to a person with it somehow helps them in becoming better humans. They start seeing their own weaknesses with each other’s eyes; the trust in their relationship does not allow them to argue when one wants few good changes in the other person.
But what does happen when things unexpectedly change? If all these negative emotions in humans take control of the commitment and intensity involve in that beautiful relationship that is when the real test as humans we have to give. It’s fair to accept that everything that starts well is not bound to end well. We can’t expect to live a manipulative life and react like robots instead of humans to our circumstances and situation by predicting the future and acting accordingly.
As human, it’s fair enough when two people feel the need to call off a relationship mid way or to break that bond which is created with the promise “Unbreakable and irresistible”. But how do we react with each other when we decide to break up is really important.
It’s fine to live the rest of the life with the acceptance that “we were never made for each other”, but is it required to end things in such an approach that for the rest of our lives we have to make sure that, our life’s track will never bisect the other’s. May be the frustration and arrogance in us as humans takes away that maturity from us or I may say phases like these brings that maturity to us to judge right and wrong considering situation of another human. I am not sure which of these beliefs of mine holds true.
Rather than accepting the truth that, “it’s not fault of any of them or it’s actually fault of both of them”; it is the feeling of rejection which hurts both of them. It’s not the reason one of them or both of them give which breaks a relation, but it’s the people involved in it who break it. The reason only gives an invalid explanation to create a valid impression that one among them is wrong.
We all realize importance of love in our lives and most of us will accept that at least once things did not work the way we expected it. But I do wonder how many of us realize that the importance of ending a relationship is also equally important to us.
We all have one life to live. If to go by with beliefs, then none of us knows by wearing which animal, bird or human skin he/she is going to rebirth in this planet. So how to live rest of the life playing hide and seek with those people who had so much importance in our lives once up on a time. For the rest of the life, both of them find it difficult to present at a common friends function or even common friends friend list in a social networking site. Both of them make sure their name will never appear in front of them when they are with others. And the list goes on and on…
As mature people, we sometime react and do stuffs like kid and funniest part is we try to justify ourselves and our behaviors. But there are some emotions, where logic can’t be applied and there are some situations, which is better to be avoided. Is not it!!
“Leaving someone’s hand smoothly when he/she decided to walk alone is equally important as holding his/her hand tightly when he/she decided to walk with you; so that it will not hurt him/her. “
PS: Have you ever left someone’s hand in midway, if so then it was a smooth one or the other way? 🙂
earthriderjudyberman
October 24, 2012
Many years ago, someone I cared about left me – and, later, I left someone I had cared about at one time. It was not smooth. Both caused pain and the memories stay with me still. Each experience, I believe, helps shape who you are … and how you will act in the future. Something positive did emerge and for that I am very happy. I hope that you, too, are and will be very happy, Arindam.
Arindam
October 24, 2012
I would be happier if you would have left the same person few years later, who left you at some point of time in your life. 🙂 Jokes a part, yes I do agree it hurts does not matter how strong we are. But these events make us better people.
And yes, I am happy. As you can guess I find it difficult to compromise with my happiness.
earthriderjudyberman
October 25, 2012
I like your joke. If it had worked out that way, that would have been either poetic justice or karma. I am glad that you’re happy, Arindam. 🙂
Arindam
October 25, 2012
I am happy because I have company of mature and intelligent people like you, Judy.
winsomebella
October 24, 2012
You learn and carry much away from every relationship. Painful as it can be, it is those experiences that take you to where you need to be. I enjoyed this thoughtful post, Arindam 🙂
Arindam
October 24, 2012
I am glad you enjoyed reading this. Yes these are learning experiences which helps a person in long run. 🙂
amira
October 24, 2012
Leaving someone’s hand is never a smooth business.
No matter how sour a relationship goes, no matter how madly in love one is with the other, No matter how mature we are, No matter how carefree we are… eventually it hurts both… maybe in varying degrees. But it hurts.
Arindam
October 24, 2012
hmm it really hurts! I can’t argue on this Amira. But there are some people who are good at faking it. And people believe leaving someone’s hand was not that tough for those people. 🙂
Angelia Sims
October 24, 2012
The end is tough, but it is the journey that matters. I try to hold onto that and hope they do too.
Arindam
October 24, 2012
Yes Angelia you are right. If those people could not hold onto that, then it’s their loss not yours. Life actually goes on…. 🙂
soumyav
October 24, 2012
thoughtful post Arindam! and very truly you put forth the actual facts that make a break up more worse than actually it is.. Its equally important to end things smoothly,but its always one of the either who isn’t in a mental condition to end it smoothly…a very common scenario..Might be years later when their roads cross, they realize their mistake…
Arindam
October 24, 2012
There is very little chance of realizing the mistake. After all we are humans, so how our arrogance and ego will allow us to do so. 🙂 After all we believe by doing so, we are compromising with our self respect.
soumyav
October 26, 2012
very true Arindam! but in many cases ,in any type of relationship,whether its love or just friends or relatives,years after the distance grows up and people come across certain situations and face many things in life..IT tends them to think what could have been averted or where they went wrong,they might not confess the mistake ,but they often try to normalise the relation wth the person said or involved.
renxkyoko
October 24, 2012
Leaving is always painful. But if one who has fallen out of love stays in a relationship , for one reason or another, there will come a time that person will resent it. For the other person, it will be very painful, not only for losing the loved one, but also for the feeling of rejection, especially if the reason for leaving is for another man or woman. That’s unbelievably painful.
No, I haven’t experienced anyone leaving me, but I know how it feels.
Arindam
October 26, 2012
I am glad you never experienced it, Ren. Lucky girl. 🙂 Yes if someone leaves for another man/woman then it looks really dirty. At least I look it that way. If a person can’t stay committed to one person, then there would be very little probability of him/her staying committed to someone else for a long period of time. Thanks a lot for taking your time to read this one, Ren.
bronxboy55
October 24, 2012
It’s hard to admit, but except for family, most relationships end. People come into our lives and then leave, and we do the same. With all of that practice, you’d think we would be better at handling it, but as you said in this post, we’re really not. And we end up avoiding people we once enjoyed spending time with. It doesn’t make much sense, does it?
Arindam
October 25, 2012
No, It does not make sense for sure. But I hope that is how things work and human react. And Sir Charles, as you have said I too started believing every relationship outside family ends one day. But I think the best approach is that, if a person does not want to end a relationship, he must make that person part of his family. I hope it works! 🙂
LuAnn
October 24, 2012
Ending relationships is always tough and best to do with compassion if possible. I try to reflect back upon what that person gave to me during our time together instead of the ending. Unless the total time together was a sham, there are some beautiful memories that one can hold onto. Beautiful writing Arindam. 🙂
Arindam
October 25, 2012
Thanks a lot LuAnn. Yes memories are precious and decisions are tough. 🙂 But reflecting back always hurts. Does not it! I am glad you enjoyed my writing.
girlinveil15
October 26, 2012
Beautifully written ,actually the title attracted me i wrote a poem on it once n the first line was the same although theme was a bit different .
Arindam
October 26, 2012
Thanks a lot. Great to see you in my blog. I am going to read your poem next. 🙂
Arindam
October 26, 2012
Unfortunately, your gravatar is not providing the link to your blog. So if you can then give me the link to the poem.
Elyse
October 26, 2012
Beautifully expressed, Arindam. I think that when love fails there is always pain, often anger. I think that helps us put it all behind us.
I loved someone I left and it was bitter after 5 years together. The funny thing is, though, that I met the man who became my husband through my old love; the two worked together. The old one came to our wedding and is now not exactly a friend, but someone I enjoy running into from time to time at gatherings of old mutual friends.
Arindam
October 27, 2012
Yes that anger takes control of the pain and makes us react in a destructive way.
It’s wonderful that destiny took control of your life the way it wanted. But I believe everything happens to us is for our good. And I am sure you realize that. But I need to learn something from you about how to forget and forgive. Thanks for believing me and my intention while sharing something personal like this with me.
Elyse
October 27, 2012
I looked for the ways I was more myself without the first guy. I am an avid reader, and he ridiculed me for it so I read less. In truth he was intimidated. And when something good happpened to me, he always resented it. That isn’t someone who loves you.
Look for the ways you are better off. They are there.
Get out, meet other women. MAKE yourself have fun, and pretty soon it will actually happen. Moping only breeds more moping!
john tugano
October 26, 2012
what a sensible post to read this morning.
it will be for sure, painful to both parties to end a once romantic relationship but that’s life shit happens sometimes..It’s just on the way of acceptance that the pain is lessen.=)
Arindam
October 26, 2012
Thanks a lot for your kind words, John. I am glad you think my post could start your day well. You said it best with the line “Shit does happpen!” 🙂
ZinalBhadra
October 26, 2012
Leaving someone’s hand smoothly when he/she decided to walk alone is equally important as holding his/her hand tightly when he/she decided to walk with you; so that it will not hurt him/her… Very true
Arindam
October 26, 2012
Thanks Zinal!! Might be I realized it late, like everyone else. 🙂
Paula
October 30, 2012
Hello Arindam.. I have not been in the right frame of mind to give full attention to friends’ posts recently, but I will try to convey what I think here…. Human beings are living organisms and as such are subject to changes, and changes in us make us behave differently and forget about our committments and promises… there is no right or wrong, no blames, no faults, it is the cruel fact of life. Vengence would serve nothing. We are here to suffer and grow… I am still not sure why…. Besides, when we have it too easy, we don’t appreciate life. I hope you are not disappointed with my input. Hugs, Paula
Arindam
November 3, 2012
Hello Paula, thanks a lot for such a thoughtful comment. And let me tell you I appreciate the fact that you told about the practical aspects of life and relationship with your comments. And to a great extent I agree with you. Sometimes circumstances of life change and in such conditions it’s better to leave mid way rather than judging who is right or who is wrong. Well said, Paula.
Paula
November 3, 2012
🙂 Your posts always make me think and it is a good thing…. I just can’t always follow them as soon as I would like, but I am keeping them in mind. We could discuss this very subjects for hours on end 🙂 Now, I am nurturing another idea in my head …. how much can we change ourselves, and our pattern of thinking (I am talking in general, not necessarily in relation to other people). Right now I am worried about my health and scared, and I dont want to be, I just want to put myself in the right frame of mind to get better. I know for a fact that body is responding to whatever the mind is communicating and I want that info to be positive and for my body to respond with health. Sorry for this outpour. Another idea: what makes us – us… do we lose our personality if we keep changing and adjusting and comforming….. Now I’d better turn in and stop this babble 🙂 You have brought this up, you tend to make me open up 😉 Have a good weekend, Arindam.
Sunshine
November 2, 2012
some situations, specifically abusive ones, you must leave midway or earlier to a safe place and unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, the transition is usually not a smooth one if you value your life.
…but, under normal circumstances, it would be nice to have smooth breakups without worrying about past history
i hope i understood what you were expressing here…very deep thoughts to ponder today. thanks.
Arindam
November 2, 2012
Nothing in this world is smooth, dear. But I believe, that is the battle of life all about to make things look smooth although they are not. 🙂 But I do agree sometimes a slap on the other person’s face or few bad words exchange between the two people make things easier as they left a bitter experience. 🙂 Thanks a lot for visit, Sunshine. I do not need to say that, it’s always my pleasure to see you in my blog.
Sunshine
November 3, 2012
Some folks need more than slaps but I guess forgiveness & staying the distance is better for the soul…love your new blk n white gravatar pic. 😉
Psst, have a smashing weekend!!!
Arindam
November 3, 2012
Yes Sunshine, what you have said was perfect. There is a quote which says “Giving up does not always mean you are weak, sometimes it shows you are strong enough to let things go”. I always live with this attitude. I do not know if it’s a right or wrong one, but I know it really works.
I am glad you liked my gravataar. Thank you, Thank you and a big thank you! 🙂 Unfortunately I can’t even say I like your gravataar too, as now I am tired of seeing the same sun every time you appear in my blog. 🙂
Sunshine
November 4, 2012
Haha…maybe you need thunderstorms for a change? Have a peaceful Sunday!!! 😉
Arindam
November 4, 2012
Honestly, I do enjoy thunderstorms a lot. 🙂 But how could you guess that one!! Have a great Sunday, Sunshine. 🙂