I close my eyes lying on my bed, while that noise produced by movement of my old fan hanging from my room’s ceiling breaks the pin drop silence of night. I squeeze my body under the blanket covering my face hearing those street dogs barking with the fear that there must be some devil power near. I recall those stories my grandmother told me as a kid; stories of those kings who fought the battles to marry beautiful princess of their neighbor states. I recall the moral of all those stories my mother told me , “how it’s always the good that win against bad”.
Experiences wash away a person’s childhood beliefs and with time the moral of those stories somehow seems meaningless. Like every person, I too create my own belief with my own experience. Sometimes when I am tired and my body does not much care about things like fear, memories and dreams; it allows me to sleep and let my soul to rest in peace until the sun rises and pours its rays on my face through my window glass. And sometimes when I return home being a loser and go to bed, I find myself drowning in that deep well of fear, frustration and botheration. I do not feel good while spending a night in that deep well which is covered with darkness where bright rays of hope and peace do not fall.
Some days, I feel good about myself, while going to the bed. I feel like I am blessed of being “who I am”. I close my eyes and in no time let a blanket of dreams to cover my mind while covering my body with that brown blanket, which I keep with me since my childhood days. And that’s when I see you there, standing by my side, holding my hand, making me feel the strongest man in this planet. When you come in my dreams just like a master magician, you create such an illusion that you do not allow me to realize that you are not there physically with me. I wipe off my lips with my dry hands to make sure that you have not left any mark to let other see that you have kissed me. I make sure you have not left a single long hair on my white shirt, so that my friend can guess that again you kept your head on my shoulders sitting by my side. I comb my hair with my hands, to make sure I am still looking good, once I stop feeling tip of your finger moving inside the bucket of hair lying on my head. I realize that your lips still fits in to mine when it kisses my lips; I feel that your fingers have not lost their softness when they touch my face; I see your eyes have not lost their innocence when they meet mine in all these years you are not there with me.
Sun rises; birds come out of their nests; my cell phone’s alarm rings; and signals that now it’s time for me to say “good bye” to you again. You gently disappear leaving me alone, with a smiling face. I open my eyes and realize that the magic is now over. I sit on my bed, with the same expression on my face as it used to appear when I was a kid and I’ve to wake up at 5 AM to go for English tuition when except my mother everyone else was in their deep sleep. I used to ask myself “When the wait will be over!! When I will be grown up, so that I can do whatever I want”. And now after so many years I wake up with the same question roaming in my mind, “When the wait will be over! When I am going to feel and see you with open eyes!!” I hope you realize that, you look more beautiful when you appear in front of me with my eyes open, in that pink and white salwar without a single layer of make up on your face. Do not you!!