The fear of being a writer!

Posted on July 21, 2012

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Peris Khambatta, the Indian model, actress and author, who was also the first citizen of India to present an Academy Award in 1980 once said- “Creative people are very insecure people because they don’t know whether people like them or are in awe of them. That insecurity always comes out. It makes them a better actor, I feel.

But  is this “Insecurity” word only applicable to actors or it’s applicable to every person who is involve in this creative process. I believe every person who is creating something new with his dedication and effort, every person who is a star in his own world does not matter if his world is big or small some how insecure. He has a fear inside him to never let the creative well in him to dry up.

We all are humans, not God; so end of the day we all want that lime light which is falling on us in form of our readers, viewers or fans to never fade up. And to be honest, I do believe there is nothing bad in that. The fear of losing or the insecurity in us somehow helps us stay focus on what we want from life, it helps us to make our next creation better than the previous one. Yes, sometimes that affects us personally but it’s part of this game which we always wanted to play i.e. to create something of our own with the talent God has given us and with the effort we can give to nurture that talent.

When we try to create something, we hardly think about terms like “Fame”, “money”, “appreciation” and “recognition”. At that time our focus solely lies on our work. We do what our heart says. A writer writes those words which he feels need to be spread. A actor acts the way his heart tells him to react. A painter uses those colors in his painting which his heart chooses for him. I do not believe there is any specific set of rules or regulation applied to any of us while we try to create something new. But once we are done, we want others to appreciate the work. We want the recognition in return to the effort and time we spend in creating something, that is no one has ever done before.

When someone asks me, “Why do I write?” I answer- because I enjoy it. But is this the right and honest answer? I am really not sure. There are millions of other jobs, then why I chose this specific field. So when I try to think honestly, the answer I get is- “I believe I can be really good at it. It’s a process where I can create an identity of my own. And most importantly I hope it’s a field where I can enjoy every moment when I am working.” And if you will ask the same question to yourself I hope you will get the similar answer.

Still a creative process is different from every other process, because here the process never completes once we are done. I do believe that, here the actual process starts once we are done with our work. Because to continue with this process a person needs  his last creation to be appreciated. Because in this field reputation changes very easily and quickly. The light of fame and success falls on a specific area which is surrounded with darkness. So a person has to fit in to that specific area, so that people can feel his presence. And  this thought and realization makes each creative person somehow little bit insecure.

I know how much effort and time, I have given to my blog. So yes I am afraid of losing whatever momentum I have gained with my blog. I sometimes feel insecure. I do fear, “what if tomorrow I will loose my readership?”  But this insecurity never stops me from writing, because as I have said before it’s a process which I completely enjoy. But yes, it helps my cause for sure. It reminds me to work harder. It helps me to think about something about which I have never ever thought before, so that I can give birth to something new and unique. It helps me to respect every reader, who takes his time to read my thoughts because I want his time again and again. Similarly It helps me to respect every other person who writes, because I want him/her to keep on writing so that I can learn to think and see this same world in a new and different way as he/she is doing.

So yes, there are times when it is better to live with some fear and insecurity in us. Who knows, that insecurity may lead us to a new path, on which no one ever went before.

Each one of us requires the spur of insecurity to force us to do our best.” -Harold W. Dodds

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